Hello. 

Unfortunately, the newly-promoted editor-in-chief, Nadia Jacobs, has gone suddenly and inexplicably missing, so I bear the burden of taking her place for this issue. I have long aspired to contribute so greatly to this wonderful newspaper, and I am honored to finally have the opportunity. 

Janae Chappell, reporter, covers the internet phenomenon “mukbangs,” sharing the darker side of a food-binging trend that has extreme health consequences. In a creative writing piece, she tells the story of a lost wallet and its mysterious owner with charming poetic flair. 

Reporter Evie Smith writes on the recent removal of CSU’s Diversity webpage, a continuation of the trend that has spread throughout the country following Trump’s call for DEI programs to be terminated. Her second article investigates the recent sightings of robed figures engaging in Latin chants around campus.  

Managing editor Nick Miller writes an advice piece on handling software decay; as products undergo endless updates, they can become unhelpful and unnecessarily-modified. Miller, a computer science student, offers simple, accessible alternatives and workarounds. Miller’s second article for this issue delves into some upcoming construction projects on campus that are absolutely unbelievable—get excited. 

Lastly, before fate drew Nadia into a shrouded corner of our mortal plane, she wrote a third installment in her series about British culture. Nadia was last spotted in Woodstock, England last Thursday, feeding ducks from a bag of oats despite the “do not feed ducks” sign. Please contact The Uproar at uproarcsu@gmail.com if you have any information about her whereabouts. 

Love from Dave 

(I do the photocopies)